when i find myself in times of trouble
john darnielle comes to me
speaking words of wisdom
“Chances Are” still knocks the wind out of me. It’s been so long and we’re so far removed, but that song is full of ghosts that were ghosts in the first place. I hear those piano chords, and I can’t help it, and then I get angry that I can’t help it, and then I get skeptical of ever being able to help it, and then I get indignant at not feeling capable of helping it, and then I get sad at feeling so powerless to help it, and then I’m crying for a lot of reasons, and I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse. Is confusion preferable to clarity, however cold, cruel, or deluded the latter might be? I wonder if it’ll ever go away, that shallow inlet somewhere in my lungs that immediately drains when Johnny Mathis sings. You haunt that song, but if anyone came out of this feeling like a ghost, it was always, is always me.